Oh Canada! 🍁
Much about the Internet entity known as That Vegan Teacher is contested and will be subject to vigorous debate. So to orient ourselves let’s deal with some incontestable facts. The one earthlings call That Vegan Teacher is Kadie Diekmeyer, born September 24, 1964 in the beautiful city of Montréal in Québec, Canada. An elementary teacher with an eye for nausing people out, she came to public attention in 2020 when a song from her TikTok channel “Eating Animals is Wrong, McDonald’s” went viral. Since then, she has been involved in multiple controversies, seeking conflict and clout wherever she goes. Think of her as the vegan sphere’s Tekashi 6ix9ine, without the snitching or child sex charges. Diekmeyer generally comes across as a PSYOP run by Big Meat to persuade the public that vegans are untrustworthy unhinged bigots. Intrigued? Take a look at these 25 reasons why to cross That Vegan Teacher off your Christmas card list.
1. Denies carnivores her organs 💖
Organs are pretty important. Think of them as ‘the things that keep you alive’. Unstable entrails fetishist The Liver King refers to them as ‘breakfast’ but as previously discussed, we can treat anything that dementoid says on the subject like Prince Andrew treats subpoenas to testify that he was getting noshed off by a minor and completely ignore it. The other awesome thing about organs is that they are kind of interchangeable between people. So if your heart gets FUBARed you can ask a deadcel to donate theirs and there’s a pretty good chance it will work after a fashion.
Oh but that’s not good enough for Kadie. She doesn’t want her (57 years old and counting) spleen going into the body of a dying cucknivore. “I realised how despicable society is, how many evil people are out there….” she told her adoring public. “I’ve decided there’s no way on earth I want any of you to ever get my organs if I die.”
That’s the important thing to remember about veganism. It’s all about compassion.
2. Drops the N-bomb 💥
You know the one – rhymes with trigger, figure and bigger, making the lives of rappers easier since 1981. There are of course very select circumstances in which it’s okay for white people to deploy the N-word and you’re probably wondering right now if Kadie’s situation ticks any boxes on that list. The answer is regrettably, no. The simple fact is that That Vegan Teacher is quicker to drop the N-bomb than Big Ron Atkinson after being cut off in traffic by a person of colour.
In a catastrophically misguided video entitled ARE YOU RACIST?, Kadie shows us a doll of a young black girl, praising its beautiful eyes, hair and skin (so far so good!) Then she starts drizzling on about banning words. Wouldn’t it be better to ban cruelty, she wonders? After all, words are just words it’s not like they have any power beyond mere description.
“When does it end when we start banning language?” she asks. Maybe, she suggests, it’s better to RECLAIM words that have hurt us. But how could we do that, Kadie? I’m glad you asked.
Right next to the black doll she has written:
“Naturally Intelligent, Gorgeous, Generous, Exemplary, and Radiant?”
“She looks like she could be that to me!”
See, what she’s done there is what is known as an acronym. You take the first letter of each word and it spells out N-I – ah, you’re way ahead of me.
Diekmeyer’s video got the kind of reception you get when you turn up at Open Iftar with a pork hotdog stand, offering everyone free shots of Jägermeister. The general consensus was that it was a Stupid Inappropriate Lexical Lecturer Yelling Taboo Words On Tape who should STFU.
3. Believes dating vegetarians is abusive 🚩
Before you begin, The Savage should make it clear that whichever lamentable excuse for humanity you’re currently embarrassing yourself with in your personal life is of so little consequence to him, he can barely make it to the end of this sentence. So whichever ignorant hippy skank or lackwit soy boy you are fumbling around with in codependent couplescum hell is fine with him. Love is too bleak, broad and bizarre to make universal rules on. Maybe you love your carnivore borefriend. Perhaps he completes you? The Savage will neither argue nor judge. He commends this attitude to the house.
But of course, Kadie is cut from a very different cloth, that of the puritan roundhead witch-hunting cultist. After discovering one of her commenters had a vegetarian girlfriend she insisted he dump her faster than Leonardo DiCapreteen dumps his honeys once they get their provisional driver’s licence. Vegetarians with their eggs and milk she said are “paying for murder”. She then displayed text saying “don’t date abusive people.” I bet she’s a blast at parties.
4. Hijacked BLM for a song 🎶
When George Floyd was filmed being murdered by the dirty Babylon on May 25, 2020, it caused a wave of revulsion that led to protests around the world, beaucoup rioting and debates on brutality and race that still rage to this day. Everyone who watched it was appalled. I say everyone, Kadie was actually inspired by George Floyd’s last words to write a song about animal agriculture, entitled ‘I Can’t Breathe ‘
“I am a cow being sent to slaughter
You’ve sealed your rope around my neck
I can’t breathe”
Needless to say, Kadie read the room the way Robb Stark did at Walder Frey’s banquet hall when he said “this wedding has gone better than I could have ever imagined! Break out the grog!” She was roasted online like a Lebanese whole cauliflower. Did she take the opportunity to learn, apologise and grow? Actually, no. She took the opportunity to patronise and berate more black people. More would follow. Her race-baiting would not stop there.
5. Compares meat-eating to the Holocaust ✡
Every now and then the question arises: how can I minimise the worst atrocity in human history, cause massive hurt and offence, damage my own cause by turning off people who may have previously been sympathetic, declare myself a rotter and an anti-Semite in the same breath? The answer of course is to compare meat-eating to the Holocaust. If you need explaining why doing so is bad, as apparently some of you do, then there are explainers for you out there. And I know it’s a radical idea but maybe listen to Jewish vegans on the issue? Don’t be a farshtinkener.¹
6. Calls coming out selfish 🌈
Ah, coming out. The Savage is old enough to remember when that meant something and he is quite wistful for those days. When wokescold psychopath Jameela Jamil was criticised for being the hot straight girl taking up a space where a gender-nonconforming person might be she quickly “came out” as “queer”. That’s fantastic, the community said. So you’ll be knee-deep in some pum-pum tonight I’ll wager!
Well not as such. Because now queer encompasses a bunch of other amorphous alphabet soup shit including polyamorous, pansexual and kink which had absolutely nothing to do with it previously. So that ex-borefriend of yours who begged you to use his nutsack as a speedball could conceivably qualify as queer. Likewise, your girlfriend who was ‘into being spanked but not too hard’ might be awarded their Q card. Perhaps even you when you fapped yourself senseless when Khal Drogo took Daenerys on their wedding night could come under that increasingly broad umbrella.
You may even remember superproducer Mark Ronson bravely ‘coming out’ as ‘sapiosexual’ – a term meaning he is super turned on by intelligence. It was an incredible moment for intelligent plain girls everywhere. Finally, Chad was there for them – an elite high-value male who would see them for the Queens they truly were and would be swiftly knocking the back out of them at the earliest opportunity. A quick look at Ronson’s dating history confirmed his statement. He enjoyed trysts with such frumpy thought leaders as model Daisy Lowe, model Joséphine de La Baume and underwear model Frankie Rayder. There’s an ally right there, no cap.
But today we are talking about coming out as an LGBT person – the kind of coming out that actually means something. Or does it? That Vegan Teacher has a different view. She let it be known that “coming out as a vegan animal rights activist … is much more special than it is to come out as a member of the LGBTQ community.”
You start to wonder is there anything she can’t make about her.
“Coming out as a member of the LGBTQ community is an entirely selfish act,” she continues. “It’s talking about you only. It’s not talking about the things you’re going to do better in the world. Coming out as an animal rights activist is talking about the animals—others, not just you. In fact, it is a completely unselfish thing to do.”
And yet you seem to spend an awful lot of time talking about yourself (and people like you) and how awesome you (and people like you) are? Say Kadie, when are you coming out as a narcissist?
7. Got super weird with a minor 👶🏻
It’s so easy. People have no idea. One minute you can be discussing your ethical choices, the next you’re sexually harassing a child. Not content with abusing blacks, Jews and teh gays, Kadie turned her fire onto another historically marginalised group: children.
As 16-year-old Minecraft TikToker TommyInIt (no idea) showed off his YouTube award buttons (again, no idea), Kadie duetted with him while holding a cucumber and saying “nice vegan girls don’t want to play with your buttons, but if you want them to play with your buttons, you’ll have to show them your fruits and your vegetables.”
I’ll level with you, gang. I’m not an expert on double entendre but I think she might have been talking about his cock and balls there. Diekmeyer claims to have misread her child bride’s age but I’ll be keeping my Little League team away from her for the foreseeable, innit.
8. Was cool with 9/11 ✈
Do you remember where you were when 9/11 happened? Maybe like Donald Trump you watched appalled as thousands of imaginary Muslims in New Jersey celebrated the slaughter.
Maybe like Tania Head, you decided to immediately place yourself on the 78th floor and piggyback on the corpses of 3000 victims.
It is even conceivable that you donged your wanger at bawling Americans like the playing staff of Chelsea Football Club. Wherever you were when the Twin Towers fell it is likely you thought that, all things considered, it was a bad thing and pretty rotten luck for anyone unfortunate enough to be inside the buildings at the time. Such thinking marks you out as a functioning human. Well done for that, by the way. 🙏🏻
But as we know by now Kadie is not a functioning human, she is a semi-functioning organism lacking either discernible empathy for humans or the social skills that could fake it. In her video ‘When the Twin Towers came down, many animal-eaters died. Was this a good thing or a bad thing?’ she says “in regards to everyone who died in the event as long as they are not vegan I don’t see why that is a bad thing “
So once again Kadie is taking a hugely traumatic public event with its own fragile and volatile ecosystem and taking a gigantic dump on it to make it all about her and her particular issue. It’s the same glass-eyed zealotry of the Westboro Baptist Church picketing military funerals with God Hates Fags placards.
“You can get triggered by my opinion all you want,” she says, desperately hoping that that’s exactly what will happen. If you think this incident had a positive effect on the understanding and image of veganism then you are as deeply mistaken as Nancy Spungen when she said “This Sid guy seems like a keeper. Time to hitch my wagon to this star!”
9. Equates ‘veganphobia’ to racism 👳🏿♂️
There’s a common perception that veganism is the domain of privileged cracka-ass crackers – white psychopaths, paleface ideologues and caucasoid cranks. That’s not entirely surprising given that the public face is so often that of a tone-deaf zealot who looks like they’ve just been grafted in a tube in Aruba by Yakub. “But wait,” you say “didn’t I read that black Americans are almost three times more likely to be vegan than their white counterparts? Doesn’t that argue against the wider implied premise of veganism as parochial, elitist and non-diverse?”
You’re welcome to make that case if you want to but my advice would be to listen to black vegans on the issue before you do. You might not like what you hear.
So that’s the context we’re in when Kadie persistently and noisily equates centuries of oppression, torture, slavery and genocide with someone calling you names on the Internet. Apart from being factually incorrect, grotesquely insulting and counter-productive, Kadie’s obnoxious false equivalence gives anti-vegan edgelords a win they scarcely deserve. Nice work, speccy!
10. Co-opts the invasion of Ukraine 🇺🇦
Don’t imagine though that saying a bunch of racist shit and doing a bunch of racist shit means Kadie excludes Whitey from her reign of error. If you think that then you are more mistaken than Freddie Gibbs when he said “I’m pretty hungry – I reckon it would be a spectacular idea to roll up to this barbecue spot dolo!” Because when dying manlet Vladimir Putin set out on his rape-as-a-weapon-of-war tour of Ukraine in 2022, Kadie saw it as the perfect opportunity to take the suffering of Ukrainians and convert it into clicks and clout for herself.
In February 2022, she posted “Bombs are dropping from the sky in Ukraine. Does anyone think of the animals? Not just the terrified pets inside homes, but all animals in cages already being tortured on factory farms.”
Imagine being a vegan-curious Ukrainian at that point. It’s a country with 2 million vegans and vegetarians so you almost certainly know a few and dig a few. Your current concerns are being burned alive, gangbanged by psychopath mercenaries or being kidnapped and enslaved Game of Thrones style. You look up and see the most prominent vegan on TikTok rinsing your face with her hot piss. About how kindly inclined to veganism are you now?
11. Is anti-natalist 👶🏻
I think most of us could have seen this one coming. In her video Nobody Should Have Kids! Agree or disagree? Diekmeyer presents the case for no one having any children ever. Kadie of course already has three children who will probably be sleeping with one eye open after watching this video. She plays the opening scene from season two Utopia where sleeper agent Terrence Truman engages an eco-conscious young mother in moral relativism before offering to open her son’s throat for the good of the planet. Kadie smiles and nods as he lays out his child murder plan. The thing about Terrence on Utopia is that he’s one of the bad guys – that’s why Ian shoots him in the head. You’re not supposed to empathise with this person and absolutely not supposed to agree with them. Never forget that the anti-natalist massive contains many of the worst people in the universe. No wonder Vegan Gains likes her so much.
12. Swears like a docker 🔞
The Savage occasionally swears it is true, some say too much. So what possible problem could he have with That Vegan Teacher having a potty mouth? Well, I’ll tell you. Her particular platform of choice TikTok is infested with the young people, i.e. the only people who understand it. Do we really want these impressionable young minds exposed to an oldcel maniac effing and jeffing like a gentleman from the construction industry who has just dropped a lump hammer on his already gout-destroyed big toe? I am happy to say that we do not. Imagine picking your beloved spawn up from school and them spouting some profanity they had heard from Kadie. What a @*^!.
13. Beefed with The Queer Kiwi 🇳🇿
One of Kadie’s favourite strategies, if you can call it that, is to pick fights with vegan influencers who are not as pure as she. She appears to have not noticed that this has a zero per cent success rate and only serves to make the online experience of said vegan influencer less pleasant than it could have been. Take the time she got into it with The Queer Kiwi. You may have thought that having already pissed off the LGBT community royally with that ‘coming out’ nonsense she would have steered clear of vegans down with the gays. You may have thought that but if you’ve already read this far you probably know how this one is going to play out. In her video Queer Kiwi Is Not A Real Vegan, she rags on QK for suggesting that going vegan might not be possible for someone with an eating disorder.
“I do not agree that you are a real vegan if you are telling people that it’s okay for them to go and ask somebody to murder for them if you had an eating disorder.”
How about that for a glorious nuance-free take, gatekeeping like Big Vern on one of his more stressful nights. In her response video, Queer Kiwi attempts to explain the maths behind a more thoughtful approach.
“Ten people going vegan half of the time helps more animals than one person going completely vegan.”
This is indisputably true but it is wasted on a Manichaean goofball like Kadie.
14. Badmouthed Billie Eilish 🗣
Who doesn’t dig Billie Eilish? Talented, engaging, passionate yet apparently lacking any of the downsides of malignant Hollyweird degeneracy. Crazy witty and super fun, she’s exactly the kind of broad you’d like your daughter to emulate. None of that’s good enough for Kadie though. She went after the pop superstar on her ‘Billie Eilish vs David Ramms: Who Is Bravest?’ video, David Ramms being a fellow nause on the pissing off as many potential converts as possible grift. Billie Eilish’s crime was to not be the kind of hectoring vegan who gets more animals killed, expressing that she was not one of those vegans who tells people what to eat.
Remember, it doesn’t matter that Billie Eilish is a vocal vegan with 100m+ followers, nor that she turned London’s O2 Arena vegan for her tour, that she dedicated said tour to raising climate crisis awareness, nor her partnership with her mother Maggie Baird’s vegan food organisation Support + Feed. Because only 100% screeching submission to their nauseating puritanism is acceptable. The lesson is clear. Do not try to please these people. You will never win.
15. Is co-signed by Vegan Gains 💪🏻
The Savage has mixed feelings on that psychopath Vegan Gains. He quite enjoys some of his videos and has even found them a valuable resource when writing about such elite-tier douchebags as Sv3rige, Mikhaila Peterson and Frank Tufano. God knows it’s a thankless task trawling through the videos of carnivore mopes for material so you’re always grateful when someone’s highlighted the main points to target. If he had to briefly sum up his problems with that psychopath Vegan Gains it’s that he is a psychopath. Not because he’s on OnlyFans pounding himself in the butthole like a Chuck Tingle novel but because of all that other stuff.
So the fact that Kadie has been co-signed by Vegan Gains is not really something you should wear as a badge of honour. Think of it more as something that will get your social media accounts flagged by Homeland Security and you’re along the right lines. As Hassan Campbell is fond of saying “pay attention to your circle before they hurt you.”
16. Got herself banned from TikTok 🚫
Let’s say that I’m wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time.² Imagine that Kadie diminishing the Holocaust, shitting on the 60 million killed under slavery and badmouthing the LGBT liberation struggle was actually really effective. After all, this is supposedly what she believes. Then how exactly does it help that she gets herself banned from TikTok her biggest platform? I’ll say that it doesn’t. And let’s say that you agree with me and that she’s actually atrocious for veganism, wouldn’t it at least have been possible once you had 1.8 million followers that you might pivot to a more traditional form of your ideology? Hey, don’t look at me like that – it worked for Malcolm X.³
It speaks to a wider emotional incontinence, that of the convert who came to veganism late in life. It comes as a surprise to many that Diekmeyer has only been vegan since 2016. That’s 50 long hard years of Holocaust steaks, Auschwitz burgers and Shoah pot roasts, in her own terms. We might imagine in another timeline, these decades of animal abuse under her belt gave her some humility when talking about the ethics of eating animals. Perhaps like a reformed killer giving talks to young gang members. “Listen man, I get it – I used to be like you. But it’s not the way to go.” Wouldn’t that be nice?
17. Plays the ukulele 🎻
I’ll tell you this for free, there aren’t many better indexes of a wrong ‘un than that they, i) own a ukulele and ii) play it. No one can definitively say exactly why the ukulele is such a nause magnet. Sure, you can dig around and find associations with quirky, kitsch, retro, manual typewriters, cupcake feminism, vinyl fetishists, vintage clothing stores incongruously filled with varsity jackets that weigh 17 stone and cost £75 and a general need among the middle-class to feel creative and special even, perhaps especially, when there is no evidence for it. But ultimately the origins of its bothersomeness must remain a mystery like the face of God and why there’s only one Monopolies Commission. What we can say for certain is that the production of a ukulele on a night out is a definite sign that things are about to go rapidly downhill. No wonder Kadie has made it her calling card.
And since you’re asking – people for whom it is okay to play the ukulele: Stephin Merritt, George Formby, Spike Milligan as Hitler impersonating George Formby. Everyone else? Later for that.
18. Went After Nikocado Avocado 🥑
As far as anyone can tell, Diekmeyer’s ‘@Nikocado Avocado Enough Now! Time To Turn Your Life Around!‘ video is sincere. In it, she encourages Nick to watch Dominion and convert himself to veganism.
He could film himself googling vegan recipes, she says. Of course you wouldn’t get it right every time but your audience would love you for it! (“You know, give people something to look at that will be compelling and interesting…”) And by the way, did you know that it’s like when they put Jews in gas chambers?
A couple of things are relevant here. First off, Nikocado Avocado used to be a vegan YouTuber. That’s how he started out. It’s where the Avocado moniker comes from. He very likely saw Dominion before Kadie did and quite a few other vegan documentaries besides. I am furthermore confident he will be very familiar with vegan cooking.
As for his audience finding his conversion “compelling and interesting” I think you have badly misjudged his audience of foaming bellends who are furiously masturbating at this fat tub of guts eating himself to death. “Your audience will follow along they will if they actually care about you,” Kadie tells him. Yeah, I think that’s the problem – ‘if’ is doing a lot of work there. Rubberneckers don’t really play with redemption arcs.
Interestingly, this video is one of the least offensive things that That Vegan Teacher has ever done. Nonetheless, it is obvious that this “man” doesn’t need conversion, he needs to be tranqed & tagged and put in a padded cell.
19. Viciously cloned herself 👥
In an act of sick eugenics that mocks God and every ethics committee everywhere, she somehow cloned herself or send herself back in time idk to produce that lunatic Vegan Booty. While she denies being related to her, it’s clear that this is another sick lie in the life of this crazed reptile.
20. Promotes Freelee The Banana Girl 🍌
Ah Freelee. Freelee, Freelee, Freelee. So-called because you give your opinion freely, freely discard inconvenient truths and freely give out terrible advice. Your favourite Aussie menkle has been living off-grid for a while like some feral kid dumped in the jungle but she somehow still manages to retain enough relevance to be mentioned approvingly by That Vegan Teacher. Maybe it’s because of her anti-menstruation stance? Because if there’s one thing everyone can agree on it’s that Freelee won’t be pushing out a little carbon thief any time soon. Planet 1-0 Children.
21. Badmouths cat food 🐱
It’s not always easy to say what constitutes caring about animals. Not paying for them to be killed, eaten or turned into a jacket is a pretty good start and a box that most of us in the vegan lifestyle would be happy to tick. But then you take a look at your domesticated cat. You know, the one that hates you, everything you stand for and would begin devouring your corpse before it was cold. Homeboy regularly captures and tortures ailing birds for fun because that’s just how he rolls. Furthermore, he is an obligate carnivore. That’s the scientific consensus. So he will not thrive on a vegan diet. Most vegan cat owners accept this and bite the bullet to feed them cat food.
But Kadie is not most vegans. She goes to some trouble to call out YouTubers Those Annoying Vegans on their disgraceful feeding of cat food to their cat. If you were hoping to find a hill not worth dying on, then you better hurry because she’s sticking a flag in every one moving right now.
22. Gives ammo to anti-vegan nauses 🔫
In whatever line of activism, blogging, existing you’re in there’s a very good maxim I’d urge you to follow – don’t load your enemy’s guns for him. The anti-vegan grift that so many are on these days is a gravy train for the kind of entry-level Simple Simon dopes who think that Frank Tufano “makes some really good points” and that Sv3rige is “based”. They make it their mission in life to portray vegans as humourless, shrill, human-hating, nuance-free, hypocritical harpies who nobody sane would want to spend any time around.
So just imagine their joy when the vegan du jour is a humourless, shrill, human-hating, nuance-free, hypocritical harpy who nobody sane would want to spend any time around. It’s high-fives and trebles all round as those YouTube videos practically write themselves. They don’t even have to make a bunch of shit up or assemble strawmen like they usually have to. Kadie has done all the hard work for them. It’s a truly extraordinary self-own.
23. Has more sock puppets than Matthew Corbett 🎭
That is actually not all that hard as, to the best of my knowledge, Matthew Corbett had three sock puppets which in the grand scheme of things probably isn’t that much. Even if you have replacements for Sooty, Sweep and Soo then what’s that – six? I don’t know, you would imagine as someone who made his name from sock puppets that he may have retained some of his earlier prototypes. Maybe he does have many sock puppets. Perhaps he collects them for pleasure or even jizzes in them. It’s not necessarily a comparison I want you to think about too deeply. The effect intended is mainly an instinctive one, the briefest of oh-yeahs to bring home the fact that Kadie does indeed have a lot of sock puppets in a punchy memorable way.
So anyway, Kadie creates multiple sock puppets to carry out her wicked acts. Among their names: That Vegan Nurse and That Holocaust Teacher (Ave Maria). We do not recommend this. It is not cool.
24. Writes terrible songs 😫
Like seriously. On every level they are appalling. If you ever find anything she says witty or charming then do me a favour – remove yourself from my site and never return. While in theory you are doing no harm The Savage is simply not comfortable with your presence. “In theory” the bumblebee should not fly and yet look at them flying around like big fat twats. “In theory” gets people sent to Allenwood. “In theory” got me a nine-year stretch in Alcatraz. So, “In theory” can get you buried real quick. Just saying.
25. She gets more animals killed 🔪
This is ultimately That Vegan Teacher’s biggest and defining crime. More animals die as a result of her ministry. “But The Savage, how can you say that!? She had 1.8 million followers on TikTok, her YouTube is going great guns! She must have converted huge numbers of people!” You, I see, are not very bright. If you think berating marginalised groups, repeating racial slurs and playing shitty ukulele ditties is going to have a net positive effect on the turned on to/turned off veganism seesaw then you are deluded.
Shock tactics have always been about the narcissism of the shock jock. They don’t work. An Australian study showed that explicit media coverage of animal cruelty upset people but ‘did not translate into significant behavioural change’.
If there’s one thing you should take away from this whole catastrophe it’s this: not all publicity is good publicity.
¹ Farshtinkener (פאַרשטונקענער) (far-SHTINK-en-er) n. Stinky person; smelly person; adj. smelly; selfish and insincere.
² Fuck you. The Savage is never “wrong”.
³ It worked for Malcolm X in the sense it saved his eternal soul. Of course, if you accept the narrow definition of ‘not being shot through the tits’ then no it did not work but that goes to show what you know and what you’re paying attention to. This country.